Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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