I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
