I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My feet surprised me
Randomize