well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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