Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
