yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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