Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
