i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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