so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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