she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize