Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
