dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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