so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
