I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A bitchslap is in order.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
