after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize