I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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