Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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