I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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