Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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