Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Green mimosas i think yes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The Olympian is in my bed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
