My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
