Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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