Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
