proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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