He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
