god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
