Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
