Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
