Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
