when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
