What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
