Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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