i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
