I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
