Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
