3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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