New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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