Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
