Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize