Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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