The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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