So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
