She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
