Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
