best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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