I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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