i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
