Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Are we still banned from the library?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
