I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
