The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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