OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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