Only a mothe r could love this liver
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
