the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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