There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
