I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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