Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
