so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
