my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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