So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
