Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
