What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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