my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize