What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
