Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
did i walk over a car last night?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
