I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize