help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
