so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
