I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
