Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
