I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize