She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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