Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
