He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
