Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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