i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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