So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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