I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sext me about skeletons
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
