Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
