she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
