So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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