This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize