he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
