I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
