Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
