he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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