i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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