My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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