I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
