I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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