Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize