using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
