i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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