last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
