Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
