I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
