i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize