I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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