I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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